Bits of Glass

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from the sea. It can be unstable, powerful, destructive, constant, untamed and also likened in scripture to the voice of God. Maybe the awe we feel for the unfettered might of the ocean is a taste of the awe we should feel for the might of God.

There isn’t anything particularly wonderful about the Galveston beach if you compare it to other beaches in the world. The sand is gray, not white, the shells are all small and mostly broken, the waves are small and gentle compared to say, the California coast. But it is special all the same. I had given up searching for pretty shells that were unbroken by the churning about on the bottom of the Gulf. They are just too hard to find. Then I remembered a book about sea glass that I had read a few months ago and once again turned my eye down to see if I could find a piece of real sea glass.

Sea glass, if you are going to get technical, only becomes sea glass (as opposed to the regular broken- bottle variety of glass) when it has been chunked about enough in the water and sand that all the sharp edges are gone, the smooth shiny surfaces are buffed up and look “frosted”, or if something else strange and destructive has happened to it, like melting. I thought how cool it would be to find a piece of perfect bottle green sea glass, just sitting there waiting for me to discover. The first piece I found however was beer-bottle brown. The wonderful thing about sea glass, though, is that it really doesn’t matter what the glass was in its former life, no matter how mundane or unsavory, when it is remade by the waves and sand, it is unique and beautiful. Shells loose some of there beauty when they are broken and damaged, glass just gets prettier. So I picked up that small brown sliver and rolled it about in my hand as I continued to search for another piece.

The first piece of green glass caught my eye as the sun glinted off of it. It wasn’t technically sea glass yet. The edges were chipped and the surface was scratched, and though it was beautiful, it really wasn’t finished yet. I held on to it for a little while though. It reminded me of myself, a little broken and battered, but not yet fully remade.

I found several more pieces, a few more browns of various shades and sizes, a couple of greens (that were real sea glass) and two white pieces. I had told God as I looked how much I would like to find a green, and I found a green, then I told him how much I would like to find some white glass, and then I found some white glass, so then I told him how much I would like to find some blue glass, but I never found any, at least not that day. I’m not done looking, though, and I’m not done asking. I have a feeling there is a piece of blue glass out there, waiting for me to find it. Maybe it’s just not ready yet.

You can learn a lot from the sea, if you take the time to listen.

I am back in Nacogdoches for the first time since December graduation. It feels very strange to be here without all of the friends that used to make this place home. Not that I don't have any friends here, just not most of the dear ones I went to school with.
I meet with the missions committee and then spoke at my supporting church here on Sunday and that was very encouraging. I was a little disappointed that not more people wanted to get together this week, but I realized that I keep developing these great expectations about how people aught to receive me and respond. I think my ego really wants just once for a speaking engagement to result in like five new supporters or something. I know, that's rediculous, that isn't how it has ever happened for me, but I keep expecting it all the same. It is so hard some times to place all my expectations on God and to leave the door open for him to provide how ever he sees fit. Partnership Development so rarely happens the way I think it should.
I am at 70% of the monthly support I need for the year in France, and that is not counting most of the one time/special gifts I have received. All said and done, I have much to be greatful for in regard to the Lord's provision.

Push

Over the last few months I have really been getting back into drawing a lot. I feel like all those questions I have had for so many years about who I am and what I was made to do are not nearly so pressing or significant now. I don't think about all that as much. I feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a decade or so. Maybe being that is a signal that I am really doing what I was made for, that I have figured out how to live my life "right". Not that there is one right way and I have stumbled across the secret and the rest of you are on your own... no, I think it is an individual process and that there may come a season of discontent and frustration again in the future. What I guess I know now is that God uses those times to PUSH is forward in the direction he wants us to go. He wants it to be voluntary, he wants us to choose to follow, but he is not above a nice firm shove or a serious case of the discontents. The thing is, I love drawing, but that wasn't what I was made for, was it? I was made for the glory of God, and as long as I can glorify him in art, then I guess that is what I will do... until the next time I feel him push me in another direction.

Bad timing

This summer, i am taking a Primary Health Care class with PBT to prepare for health care issues on the field. I am the youngest and only unmarried woman in the class. One day, we split up guys and girls to talk about examining ourselves for cancer in our sensitive areas. The teachers had these little silicone replicas of breasts and testicles that had lumps in them so you could practice the exam. We started off talking about self-exams, but all things being equal, about half way through, we swapped parts and talked about the other gender's exam techniques (I guess so we are well informed). The guys were taking a really long time with their little fake booby and so all the wives were making jokes about it. It was lunch and I had left my shoes in the room where the guys were at, so finally Laura Brollier peeked in and told me I should go ahead because they were almost done. i went in and tried to ignore the fact that five grown men were poking around on a little fake boob. I grabbed my stuff and was almost out safely when Sue Alice, the teacher (an older nurse) instructs the men, "So you can be really helpful to your wives, men. While you are making love..." I didn't wait around to hear any more but bolted for the door. I would have been fine if the door hadn't been partially blocked by a couple of tables. I slammed my hip into one, hooked my foot on another and then slammed into the partition as I hurtled into the other room. Laura had heard all that had transpired and was doubled over in laughter, "Bad timing!" I'll say. I laughed so hard I nearly peed myself!

Not alone

So I was thinking today about how many of my close friends are actively pursuing an alternative life path. They are from a broad range of backgrounds, with various college degrees and all different kinds of gifts and passions. My friend Alyssa is in Grenada now, working with the Peace Corp to help with the blind students there. Karissa is in Costa Rica working with students with special education needs and looking into other options for future ministry. My friends Miriam and Kristine are preparing to serve with Campus Crusade's Bridges ministry in Houston TX. Anjuli is heading to California to work at an alternative Christian school for children and is considering going on a mission trip to Dubai this summer.
There are other young people I know, people from church back home, from my family, from my peers in college not to mention all the people I have met this year in Dallas who are preparing to serve with Pioneer Bible Translators, Wycliffe international and SIL international. They are not choosing the "American Dream" wit nice jobs and benefits and a stable secure salaries. Many are giving up the comforts of good health, air conditioning, and stable governments to serve in other countries.
Why are we all making this choice? Some people went to Bible college others went to state schools. Some were raised in the church and have been on more mission trips than they can remember, others didn't really get on board until after college. All different kinds of interests and motivations and pasions, but all making similar choices.
Yet there is something that is guiding each and every one of us who has made the decision to do something different with this season of our life: faith. Faith that God has a plan bigger than we can imagine, faith that it is for our good as well as for the good of all men. Faith that we are going to be ok, even in Africa, or the middle east or Papua New Guinea or Houston TX. Faith that a life lived pursuing the will of God, no matter how insufficient our abilities and how insurmountable the obstacals, is the only life we want to live.
I find it encouraging and exciting to know that I am not the only one who found themself unexpectedly flung into a life they did not expect. God is calling people from all different backgrounds and walks of life to serve him in unexpected ways. How awesome is our God.

ten things to do for entertainment while driving alone across the vastness of Texas without radio reception.

1. recall songs from your childhood and sing them at the top of your lungs the nonsense ones are the best.

2. rest your chin on the steering wheel and let your teeth rattle together.

3. count missing reflectors on the center stripe of the highway (I got up to 65 before I hit a construction zone and there was no stripe at all).

4. drive slowly in the fast lane and make all the speed demons mad (its really fun to switch lanes right before they try to pass you).

5. try to guess what kind of person is driving the car before you pass it on the highway(i.e. male/female, young/old, race/marital status).

6. read everything, from mudflaps to shredded billboards (it's amazing what they put in print).

7. drive with only one toe and your pinky finger (not recommended by your local law-enforcement agency) .

8. see how long you can maintain the speed limit exactly without cruise control ( optionally, try to drive one mile over).

9. wash your windshield and pretend you are in a dangerous downpour (never actually done this, but it sounds fun).

10. try to identify roadkill by smell alone (I am only sure of success for skunk).

happy trails!!

Life Takes Time

Life takes time.
Day in,
Day out,
Easing from one age to another.
Dig in deep,
Stretch up high,
Hold all the bits together.

Winds blow,
Rains fall,
Seeds fall to the ground.
Seasons come,
Seasons go,
Years pass without a sound.

A vision,
And a dream,
A seed of hope and promise,
Sown in hearts,
Sown in time,
Rising up among us.

Our youth,
Our wealth,
It will all pass away
Life will be measured by it's fruit.